Say what you like about Pippa Middleton’s culinary prowess. But
if she really is able to conjure up the picture-perfect Asian menu from
her debut Waitrose magazine column without her kitchen ending up
looking like Hiroshima she’s a better woman than me.
Three
hours into my epic culinary face-off with Pippa’s Friday Night Feast I
was cursing the duchess’s sister and her ‘relaxed’ theme night.
Party-planning Pip may be able to whip up a duck pancake without breaking a sweat, but my experience was a lot less slick.

Ready,
steady, cook! Deborah Arthurs creates the Pippa's feast as featured in
Waitrose Kitchen magazine as a recipe for a night in with friends
There
was sushi rice clinging to every surface, four packs of Gressingham
duck breast sweating unpleasantly in the overcrowded pan and a puddle of
tangerine and sake jelly mix solidifying slowly on the kitchen floor.
In
my defence, I can only think Pippa doesn’t have to contend with the
same rigors of day-to-day life I was confronted with on my quest to
recreate her five-recipe Friday Night Feast.

Here's
to Pippa! After a stressful dash around the supermarket, Deborah raised
a glass to Pippa before attempting to cook her feast
Pips
probably has Mr Waitrose himself deliver the ingredients to her door, a
food stylist on hand to pimp her sushi rolls to photogenic perfection
and the liberty of a long afternoon to prepare.
I
on the other hand had to make a mad dash to the supermarket after a
full day in the office, toddler with a temper tantrum in tow.
Heaving
a trolley up and down the busy aisles of Waitrose on a Friday night for
an hour and a half searching for rarefied ingredients was not the best
warm-up for a wild night in - and I bet Pippa never has to contend with a
three-year-old throwing her Japanese rice vinegar and stem ginger in
syrup out of the trolley as fast as she can throw them in.
Pip's
preparation: Deborah found that there was too much fiddly prep involved
and the menu is better suited to a Saturday when there is plenty of
time to prepare over the course of the day
Cooking
up a storm: Pips probably has Mr Waitrose himself deliver the
ingredients to her door and a food stylist on hand to pimp her sushi
rolls but Deborah gave it her best shot
Morale
plummeted when the shop assistant confessed sheepishly that they had
stopped stocking the seaweed sheets I needed for my sushi rolls (Middle
Class problems!) and suggested I try Tesco instead.
But after lugging my eight carrier bags and grumpy child across town to Tesco, I remained seaweed-free.
What
would Pippa do, I wondered? Inspired, I headed for my local Japanese
restaurant and emerged triumphant, £5 lighter of pocket but with a stack
of seaweed in hand.
Not
quite the Royal look: She was convinced that her Vietnamese spring
rolls looked like flaccid seafood Femidoms, her sushi was sloppy and the
cocktails were so fiery they should have come with a health warning
Picture
perfect: To her credit, the food, as Pippa says, is tasty and, with
practice and time, has the potential to look impressive

The
victims: As midnight approached and they still hadn't eaten so much as a
hoisin pancake, the guests (victims?) that Deborah invited over in an
attempt to impress with her dazzling Eastern-inspired banquet were
drafted in
The verdict? The feast - which Pippa
rightly says is ‘really an assembly of parts’ - is all very well in
theory. Five practically no-cook recipes, no complex cooking
instructions... how hard can it be?
But in
practice, a menu where every element needs meticulous and involved
preparation is not the best idea for a Friday night post-work when time
is limited and guests are hungry.
There
is so much fiddly prep involved - not least juicing two 600g bags of
tangerines - that this menu is better suited to a Saturday when there is
plenty of time to prepare over the course of the day.
As
midnight approached and we still hadn’t eaten so much as a hoisin
pancake, the guests (victims?) I’d invited over in an attempt to impress
with my dazzling Eastern-inspired banquet were drafted in.
Logistical
issues: With her sitting room at one end of the house and the kitchen
at the other, had her guests not joined her to muck in, they would have
been segregated for the entire night
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